Mum, where's Daddy?

As it is Father's Day it seems appropriate that my second post should be to explain the title of the blog.

Four weeks ago today, my fiance got the train down to HMS Raleigh to start his Part 1 training as an ETME(SM) in the Royal Navy. The longest we have been apart before now in the three and a bit years we have been together has been 2 nights and that has only happened three times. Needless to say, the last month hasn't been easy and although I am settling into the routine now I know it is going to continue being very difficult for some time to come.

My daughter knows where he has gone and knows when we will see him again. She is used to upheaval unfortunately and has become quite adept at coping and settling down. She has spent half of her life living between two parents in two houses and it helps that she is eight going on eighteen, I think.

Our son however is only two and this has been a big shock for him, especially since he has had Daddy all to himself at home for the last year whilst I was at work. At present he is learning to join words together in small sentences, so it didn't take long for him to come out with the heartbreaking question "Mum, where's Daddy?". I can't explain to him where Daddy is in a way that he will understand as "Daddy's at work" doesn't quite cut it when he has been used to me coming home from work at 5pm and expects Daddy to come home on an evening as well. He is also too young to have any concept of time so the tools that would be so useful for a slightly older child (a calendar counting down the sleeps until we see him again for instance) aren't appropriate at this stage.

He has now thankfully stopped looking out of the window and shouting for Daddy every time he sees our neighbour (who did the station run for us so I could avoid sobbing on the platform) come home in the car. He has found a passport photo of his Dad and has been carrying it round with him, showing it to his toys and occasionally (rather disturbingly) licking it! He 'speaks' to Daddy on the phone on a weekend and has a huge smile on his face when he does so.

The one positive side of his age at the moment is that as he grows up, this will be the norm. Daddy works away. The decision to rejoin the Navy was born from the need to be a Dad that our son can be proud of - someone who loves what he does for a living. In the long run the decision will pay off.

So this Father's Day, we will have to be content with a phone call and some chocolate sent with the card in the post. There will be many other days and weeks in the future where Daddy is not here and Father's Day will become a floating date in the calendar depending on leave, travel warrants and many other details. Our son will learn that Daddy is away to give us a better life and we all love him very much for it.