To quarter or not to quarter, that is the question.

In previous posts, I have alluded to our living situation and how this may change now that OH is away. The plan was initially for me to return to my home town to be near my family but now that 6 months have passed and the reality of being a RN WAG is sinking in, it is becoming clear that a move back home may not be the best option as it will not solve the essential issue of us being apart.


I have always been very resistant to the idea of moving with OH. He started the RN application process three years ago and I have always said that I won't be moving onto base. The main reason for this is that I have wanted to keep DD near her Dad to ensure that their relationship is preserved. I did think about moving back home when we split up but I am glad I have stayed put for those extra few years as it has given them a chance that they would perhaps not have had if we had relocated when she was younger.


However, things have changed in the five years since the split and the situation is not the same as it was when I made the initial decision to stay. At the moment, OH is coming home as often as he can but due to lack of funds, this is usually only once a fortnight on average. He gets a travel allowance but at the moment we are waiting for the local council to tell us whether he is allowed to use this to get home or whether this must go to pay our rent. There is likely to be a rant about this in a later post. So it may be that we see him even less than we do currently and of course when he is deployed, he will not be coming home at all. Due to his career choice, there will be large chunks of each year when we cannot even have any contact with him, making the time he is on land even more precious.


So, I have a really hard decision to make. Luckily, OH's job role will mean that he won't be hopping about from base to base and will probably stay in one place (when he's on land, anyway) for pretty much his whole career. Out of the bases he could have ended up at, he will be going to the one that is closest to our current location and it is not an unreasonable journey by train or by car.  


I've been thrashing out the pros and cons of MQ for a while now. So far, the pros far outweigh the one con - moving DD away from her Dad. I'm not saying that she'd never see him. In fact, as she is more likely to want to stay with him in blocks over school holidays, she will probably see him more than she does at the moment. It is just going to be the 'distance factor' that will cause issues although I have a fair few ideas on how to make that work as well.


The pros? Well, cost is a major factor. The most we will pay for a quarter will be £300 less than we are paying in rent at the moment and is likely to be even cheaper unless we are very lucky with the property! This means that we can stop relying on benefit to help with our rent and will still be slightly better off than we are at the moment.

OH will be home every night he is not working. Although he is exceptionally good at annoying me, he is quite useful to have around sometimes... I should be less exhausted and stressed and the kids will benefit from having us both there. It also means that he is more likely to be home for the first steps, the first words etc that he would almost definitely miss otherwise.


The community is another pro on the list. There are no phone calls, emails or blueys for submariners and I am dreading OH being away as although I am sure people will sympathise, even infantry at the frontline in Afghan will usually get a weekly phone call. Being with other families in the same position makes a lot of sense and although it won't be the same as having my family around, I have been told that the support network is the best there is.


There are other things that make us think that MQs are the way to go but even if it were just those three reasons, I think they are good enough. I need to be thinking about the family that DD and I have now, rather than the family we used to have. 


There is always the possibility that she will prefer to stay here with her Dad and that is a risk we will have to take although I am not sure she will be old enough at the age of 9 or 10 to make that decision. It may also be that I am prevented from taking her by the legal system although at the moment, the parental rights lie with me alone. It will be a 'cross the bridge when we come to it' situation I think.


Moving into married quarters will entail actually getting married and as I am not one of the lucky ones who 'bloom' when pregnant, that isn't going to be happening for a while yet. As I also tend to look like I've eaten my entire family by the time I give birth, I will also have a bit of weight to lose! So I'm not about to haul the family onto base in the next few months.


The decision has not been made and it will not be made for a fair while yet. I am still chewing over the options and trying to think of how I can do what is best for everyone. I think the question in the title of the post will still be on my mind for a long time to come.

We will remember them.

So, it seems that hormones and Remembrance Sunday don't mix. I got very emotional watching the ceremony at the Cenotaph this morning and it's a good job that the service wasn't followed by the donkey sanctuary advert or I would probably still be crying now. Luckily, it was followed instead by Sebastian Vettel having a first lap puncture which cheered me up no end!


It wasn't just the hormones though. I think this year was different as we are officially a forces family now. OH was at Westminster for the service in the Abbey and although I didn't spot him on TV at the Cenotaph, I am still stupidly proud of him. Obviously, he has not yet been deployed or seen active service but there is no doubt that this will happen in the near future.


OH is not the first family member in the military, however. DD had issues with wearing her poppy last year as some of the girls at school made fun of her for wearing it. When November 11th started to come round again, I was determined to make sure she wore it.

This year she was armed with the knowledge that OH is in the Royal Navy; her Great Grandma, Great Grandad and Great Great Uncle Ron were in the Royal Air Force during WWII; her Great Great Uncle Doug was in the Army and her Great Great Grandad served in the Army in WWI. There may be more but I only really know about my Mum's side of the family in this respect. 

So DD has worn her poppy with pride this year. I think being given permission by me to tell anyone giving her grief to "suck it" buoyed her confidence slightly. Maybe not the most adult of responses but I was having a juvenile moment at the time!


Remembrance Sunday and Armistice Day are two traditions in this country that we seem to continue to be proud of. No matter how many factions try and destroy the pride, the meaning of the poppy and the importance of the two minutes silence is being passed on through generations. The names of the fallen since last Remembrance Sunday were shown this morning during the ceremony and that list demonstrates how important it is that the country at large continues to show their respect, gratitude and belief in our armed forces, irrespective of what we may believe politically. I do think that the two can be separated.


To them, it's just a job. To us, it's much more than that. Lest we forget.

I'm baaaaaaaaack!

I know, I know. It's been two months. I'm a very bad blogger. There has been a very good reason for the gap though - I'm rubbish at keeping secrets!


Those of you who are facebook friends will now know that OH and I are expecting another baby in May next year. I had my dating scan yesterday and everything is good so far which means I can finally break my silence. 


I've been staying clear of the blog as I knew there was no way I could not give it away. Especially since all I had to talk about was my inability to keep anything in my stomach and desperate need to sleep every minute of the day. I still can't keep food down and would cheerfully sleep until the baby is born but at least I can let people know why now.


DD is happy about the baby although she has specifically requested a sister, so hopefully she'll continue being happy after the next scan. DS doesn't have a clue what is going on but that's pretty much par for the course with him anyway. OH is obviously very chuffed, especially as we managed to conceive pretty much straight away and he credits this entirely to his 'super sperm'. I obviously had nothing to do with it at all...


There are days when I think we're totally insane to be having another one, mainly the days where DD and DS scream at each other constantly and I just want to run away! It's not going to be easy with OH being away although we're now talking about changing the long term plan. Now that I'm definitely not going to be going back to work for a while, there is no real reason for us not to be living as a family so looks like a wedding and married quarters will be on the cards at some point in the next year. This is going to cause problems in some areas but it'll solve more problems than it causes so I think I've been a bit daft being so resistant to it so far!


That's it for now but I'll be back shortly to have a good whinge about certain things that have happened in the last couple of months. This is not going to be the world's most stress free pregnancy by any means!