Well, that's not quite true. I have an enormous pile of excuses but what they all boil down to is... I'm crap. However, I'm going to list some of them anyway and hope that I can gain some forgiveness and get some followers back!
- I had another baby. Not a big deal really - after all, millions of people do it everyday. How on earth so many of them also manage to maintain blogs at the same time I have no clue. I couldn't remember how to put my shoes on, never mind formulate a sentence. DS2 (as he shall henceforth be known) is a hungry little monster who needed feeding every hour of the day and night. Sleep deprivation is real and it sucks. He's now almost 11 months old however and is sleeping [mostly] through so I no longer cry when faced with shoe laces.
- I moved to Scotland. Once again, not a big deal. Lots of people do it. Had OH not been sunning himself at the Olympics followed by sunning himself on a jolly it probably would have been easier (he says he was working hard; the photographic evidence says otherwise). As it was I found myself moving 3 kids, a cat and a houseful of stuff on my own when DS2 was not quite 3 months old. Almost 8 months later and almost all the boxes are unpacked...
- OH and his job have stressed me out. Lots. I coped really badly when he was away and although in my defence I did/do have post natal depression, I look back and cringe at my general uselessness and anxiety level. I really need to MTFU for the next trip as I am not putting any of us through that again.
- I had/have PND. Not for the first time as I had it with DD as well but after escaping it with DS1 (yes, he's been rebranded thanks to the arrival of his baby brother) I didn't think I'd have it again. I'm through the foggy bit now and hopefully kicking the arse of the rest of it but as I've said in earlier posts, I don't write well when I'm unhappy and I've been very unhappy.
I think that's probably enough for excuses. Over the last couple of months I've been able to give my head a shake and start getting back to what passes as normal for me. I've made an conscious effort to avoid negativity, slap a smile on my face and get my anti-social arse out of the house for something apart from the school run. There are a lot of very positive people round here who have been through a hell of a lot and still managed to keep smiling and it's started to rub off a bit. As well as getting back on top of the house and the kids I'm also actually doing a degree through the OU which is super scary but really exciting and although I'm only 2 months in, it's given me a bit of hope. It's going to keep me busy and stop me dwelling when OH goes away as well which can only be a good thing. Leaving my nice warm antisocial cocoon has helped the boys immensely too - being cooped up in our wee magnolia box with the world's most stressed-out Mummy wasn't good for them at all. I haven't forgotten DD but she has her own busy social life and a bedroom full of electronics so she probably didn't notice I was in the house to be honest...
So, all in all, I'm getting there and have finally listened to certain people who have been gently reminding me that I haven't posted in a while and got something down. I can't say for definite that it will continue as this year still has the potential to go a bit wonky (I've planned for a certain level of wonkiness but I'm learning that things can go more wonky than ever imagined in this life) but as long as I'm wearing my positive head, I may as well use it to write.
