Sometimes I love being by myself. I have a fairly low tolerance for other people; something I seem to have inherited from my Dad. I like to be by myself, doing my own thing and not having to deal with interruptions that I could do without.
Today, being by myself was horrible. DS doesn't count as company since he can't talk apart from to ask for Peppa Pig. I didn't even have DD to speak to as she was at her Dads.
Ever since OH went away, I have had people comparing my situation to being a single parent. I have been a single parent and believe me, this is a thousand times worse. As a single parent I went out to work, had people to take DD off me for the weekend and was massively relieved to be away from a destructive relationship. Admittedly, I usually wouldn't speak to anyone once DD had gone to bed but I spent the rest of the day in company, kept busy and it wasn't the worst thing in the world.
Now I am stuck in the house, never get a minutes' peace and miss OH ridiculously. It's not the same at all.
I know I make things worse for myself because I'm just so goddamn good at coping. I've lived away from home for twelve years and since I've been an adult I have never been able to rely on people who are just around the corner. Maybe I should learn to stamp my feet and demand attention but the people that I need are already overstretched and I don't want to put extra pressure on them.
I know that this is just a blip and that I will more than likely wake up tomorrow feeling positive again but it worries me that I am capable of feeling so low for no discernible reason. A chat with OH tonight has perked me up and he will be home for Christmas in five days time so at least I have something to look forward to.
Sometimes though, it would be nice not to be so expected just to cope.
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